Part-time mum, full-time guilt trip?

I tweeted about this at the weekend and thought I should perhaps put down a few thoughts on the subject. Working mothers...everyone seems to have an opinion about what they should and shouldn't do.

• work and some quarters will accuse you of prioritising your career
• work and some quarters will accuse you of neglecting your child
• work and some quarters will accuse you of only having a child as an accessory


• don't work and some quarters will accuse you of sponging off of the state/your partner/husband (delete as applicable)
• don't work and some quarters will accuse you of setting a bad example to your child(ren)

Some of you will have noticed that the quarters don't add up! (there is obviously overlap)

But, everyone seems to have an opinion. If you are a mother then it seems that whatever you choose to do, it is wrong. For some reason, in my experience, fathers don't seem to get the same treatment. Although men do speak about being pitied or looked down on for choosing to say at home with their child, so it seems not even the fathers are safe.

The point of this post is my annoyance at the title 'full-time mum' that is often used in interviews or news pieces. The example I tweeted at the weekend came from the Guardian. They interviewed one mother who had the accolade 'full-time mum' in her bio, whereas the other mothers had job titles or what they had done before having children. I feel that this implies that women who choose/need to work are not seen as full-time mums. Anyone who has children, whether male or female, is a full-time parent. You don't stop being a parent when you close the door, whether it is to pop to the shops or do an eight hour shift. A man is not a part-time dad if he is working to support his family.

There is no shame in staying home to look after children, it is an extremely important role and is a huge amount of work. But, to use the title full-time mum only when referring to women who stay at home does a disservice to parents who have to go to work. It only serves to widen the divide and build on the resentment. This is perhaps more so when men and women have to return to work following the birth of a child, and would perhaps rather stay at home. To use the term full-time parent for someone who gets to do this implies that they are not a full-time parent and perhaps increases their sense of guilt or dislike at having to return to work. So, perhaps it is better to drop this term unless we are going to apply it fairly to all parents.